Hey there Guys,
Not sure you have seen this video recently but it seems to have taken on a rather “viral” quality. With more than 900,000 views I have to ask the question why? Is it that there are 900,000 pensioners keen to learn about new “hip friendly” sex positions or is it that the general public are watching, perhaps intrigued at the idea of people older than 60 being sexually active?
How about our older gay generation? It’s almost like they are forgotten and ignored. When was the last time you saw a safe sex campaign aimed at older gay men?
Clearly I am not the only person thinking about this important topic, given the recent press. As noted by The Florida Times
[wpse_b_box_solid width="87%" style="blue_light" shadow="yes"]The pressure of being gay and elderly is enough to drive some people back into the closet, said Stu Maddux, producer of a documentary on the topic.
“The bullies that were there at the beginning of your life, we’ve found that they’re waiting for you near the end of it too,” he said. “And this time you can’t run very fast.[/wpse_b_box_solid]
Discussing life in a nursing home elderly lesbian Vicki Wengrow goes on to say:
[wpse_b_box_solid width="87%" style="blue_light" shadow="yes"]You can feel pretty alone if you let it get to you, said Vicki Wengrow, a one-time English instructor at area colleges and a massage therapist for 33 years.
She was 29 when she came out as a lesbian in 1972. She was a married mother who had become an enthusiastic member in Jacksonville of the women’s liberation movement, which made that announcement much easier, she said with a laugh.
She’s 69 now, living in a retirement community in Riverside. She’s had a few nasty phone calls, some insensitive comments, she said. But she’s also found acceptance, even from some of her most conservative, religious acquaintances there.
Many people know of her sexuality, she said, and most try to be understanding. She doesn’t have a partner, which makes it easier.
“It’s not like I’m quote-unquote flaunting it,” Wengrow said. “As a couple of people here said, ‘As long as you don’t flaunt it.’ ”[/wpse_b_box_solid]
In a similar theme to documentary “Gen Silent” international film maker Christopher Banks has explored this topic with his tender film “The Colonel’s Outing“.
The words “We can’t always live the life we want Mrs Pleasants” haunts me. Those words make me angry, sad and worried.
Living with an aging gay population I have to ask, are we ready to support and care for out brothers and sisters? Or will gay men and women continue to fade into the background. What can we do to support our aging population? Does the vibrant rainbow flag have to fade to boring beige?
What are your thoughts Guys? I’d love to hear your opinions… Let’s face it we are going to need them!
I feel very strong about this, in that we are woefully under prepared for aged gay retirement centres, and also those that can cater for HIV elderly, and if given the funding, would love to establish one
I’ve been doing some more thinking about this issue and I think I’ve come upon a possibly, partial solution. There are many gay men and women with a great deal of disposable income and some (I won’t name any names) who are immensely wealthy. Non-profit gay retirement homes could be founded by people directing their charitable giving in this direction by establishing a Trust; creating an endowment that would be exempt from taxation. I certainly don’t have all the details worked out, but, those who could pay would pay perhaps on some sort of sliding scale based on income from retirement plans, investments and savings; like in some other “homes” others could sign over their Social Security checks in exchange for a spot and this would help defray costs; those with no income would be supported by the Foundation. Gay people, since most have no children, could be encouraged to make the Foundation the beneficiary of Life Insurance and wills; all such monies would be shielded from estate taxes. There’s no reason our straight allies couldn’t be encouraged to contribute. I don’t know, maybe this is all pie-in-the-sky, but, I agree with David that this is a very serious issue and unless we are prepared to abandon our brothers and sisters to the tender mercies of the Federal Government and the Churches who so quickly came to our aid when AIDS hit we had better start planning; and soon.
I believe we need to start looking at GLBT options for us as we move on into the next part of our lives. Friends and myself recently joked about looking at the idea of Gay retirement centres…. (and the going ons the would be extremely different from your standard st8 centre…) anyways , I now believe its a very serious issue…
What can we do?
So many of the generation that came of age during the 1970′s and 1980′s were wiped out during the first 15 years of the AIDS pandemic. Initially there was no hope at all and Reagan and Bush were quite content to let us all die. the only federal dollars available came from what could be wrangled out of the Democratically controlled Congress. Finally AZT came along, but as we all know that was no panacea and people continued to die. Now, those who survived are entering their 50′s and 60′s and even early 70′s. Most of their friends died and many were never able to recover from the avalanche of death they experienced. We owe it to them to ensure they can live their remaining years with dignity. They rose to the occassion when their sick and dying friends needed them and they deserve the same consideration from those of us for whom the horror of those years is something we’ve only read about. There is a whole generation of young gay men who have no first-hand knowledge of what those years were like and I hope they can summon the love and caring their older brothers and sisters were able to muster and organize and fight for the right to dignity these people so richly deserve.
In California around the Palm Springs-Cathedral City area there are retirement communities for gays and lesbians. I believe there will be more of these beinn established outside California not only in the United States but also in Canada, Australia and other liberal democratic countries. The problem for aging gays will be largely the same as the problem for aging straight people: how to save up enough earnings invested safely for the retirement ahead. The very wealthy can hire personal caretakers but guys in the opposite end of the socio-economic scale may end up in some wretched nursing homes. One important difference is family support: expect for those gay men whop have been married and have children the rest will not have a family of descendants who (positively) could help secure access to caretakers or a retirement faculty. But by the same token they will not have family willing to commit your involuntarily to some nursing home on some plea that you suffer from some mental incapacity. And in the event of Alzheimer’s, terminal illness etc. you should be making plans with a trusted health care-provider and attorney to prepare arrangments for your care rather than leaving this for others to decide at a time when you may be ruled not of sound enough body and mind to make that decision for yourself.. I know it is a grim topic but it’s one you have to face and to decide on as an individual.