Hey there Guys,
This weekend I have really been wondering exactly how far we have come when it comes to dealing with homophobia. Two threads I have seen on Facebook have left me cold, angry and to be honest ready to throw punches. Perhaps I should explain.
First episode was when a friend mentioned he had attended one of the major football games in his hometown of Sydney. These events are lively, usually alcohol fueled, loud and the fans are very passionate. My friend was seated in the reserved seating for his team and there was a particular fan who was screaming and yelling obscenities including “you’re a fuckwit” but also included the following: “I hope you get AIDS”.
Hmmm, “I hope you get AIDS”. My blood is fucking boiling.
Apparently this was directed at a particular referee, Shane Hayne, who I imagine must have somehow slighted this man despite his team winning by a sizable margin.
“I hope you get AIDS”… Funny you never hear, “I hope you get cancer” or another equally serious and debilitating disease process. No, apparently if you want to insult someone, AIDS is perfect fodder.
Why is it so? Is it because AIDS is such a medically complex set of dieases that we have not been able to find a cure? Or is there some other edge to this insult…
Perhaps it’s the double punch the insult of AIDS offers a white middle class male. “Not only do I want you to die but I also want to mark you as socially unacceptable, undesirable and deserving of a death fitting to the way you didn’t see that football rule the same way as me.” “Nice people get cancer, faggots get AIDS but they deserve it”. This is the nasty homophobic sting insulting this way presents.
Please don’t think that these levels of homophobic rants are limited to a white middle class thug who was attending a football game. Sadly this level of AIDSphobia is equally present in the gay community as well.
A good mate and fellow doctor Seumas was chatting on one of the more popular bear “dating” sites.
If there is one thing you notice about Seumas is that he has one of the most spectacular beards in Sydney. Seriously, if there is a gold medal for beards at the London Olympics, this man is a strong contender for Australia.
Anyway as part of his conversation he received the following comment:
[wpse_b_box_solid width="87%" style="blue_light" shadow="yes"]…well it’s kind of a older guy or HIV thing to grow a beard in our community to cover the lines.[/wpse_b_box_solid]
Apparently growing a beard is one of the only treatments for the lipodystrophy associated with HIV treatments. At the risk of over analysis or projecting my anger onto this person, did this person honestly believe that majority of bears and older gay men growing a beard are using it as a way to hide HIV treatment side effects?
I can remember when I was in my early 20′s I shaved my head. Personally I hate hair and for me a shaved head is sexy. That night when I went to my local club the barman, a good mate, pulled me aside and warned me that perhaps I should not do that as it’s “a sign you are HIV positive, that’s one of the ways you tell in Sydney”. Seriously?
Clearly we have a long way to go.
HIV and AIDS are scary for many people in both the gay and the non gay world. As long as this fear exists these insults will continue.
So how do we move forward? For me I feel it’s time to name and shame. Of course not every time is going to be appropriate however if you feel that it’s safe I would highly recommend calling people on their bullshit.
Take the punter at the football. If he was sober, which sadly I doubt, I wonder how he might react to being asked, “Why do you want this person to get AIDS?”, “Why did you choose AIDS rather than cancer, what is it about AIDS that makes the insult better?” “How do you think it must be to die from AIDS, do you know anyone who has died that way?”
The same goes for within our own community. We are still living with massive discrimination against people who are living with HIV. We need to call people on their bullshit. We need to support our brothers. We need to stop being so fucking cruel.
We have a long way to go but every journey starts with a single step. Calling someone on use of AIDSphobic language might just be a good first step.
Yours in good health.
Dr George
Theoretically, being positive, I find it difficult to keep my beard. I suffer from terrible dermatitis caused by the virus. Basically, I scratch like I have fleas. I have to use Nizoral, but not even that works all the time. Recently, I had to have my shower retiled and couldn’t wash for a week. Off went the beard. To be honest, if winter weren’t coming on and my immune system wasn’t so weak at the moment, the hair would’ve been shaved off as well.
I don’t blame people for being a little bit scared and a little bit ignorant. It’s the fault of the medical fraternity that we’re in this position in the first place. First we get the grim reaper ads. Then we get, you can live a long healthy life. I don’t think the general public have the ability to sort through what is truth and what is fiction with the virus. Cancer is in the media all the time. HIV….you’re lucky if it makes it into the media at all. Even when it does, it’s usually some dubious study or mostly full of half truths playing down the seriousness of it.
Even as a positive person, I’ve started to get sick of the constant dribble coming out of my doctors mouths about how I’m going to live a long life…of course, only if I start taking medication. Even they don’t understand that not all of us want quantity, some of us are just tired and want a bit of quality. HIV and Cancer are very similar to each other. I figure that if someone wants to slur HIV/AIDS, then they’re as good as lobbing a slur against Cancer survivors.
Also, as far as the bear community, and in fact any community in Australia. After being overseas last year and visiting the UK, I have come back wondering if it were a good idea to be returning to such a redneck, backward hopeless country. The entire gay community over here is afraid of HIV. Not so over there. Over here, you’re not socially acceptable unless your muscled, hairless (or at least well pruned) and negative.
Australia and Australians need to grow up and start acting like adults instead of trying to mimic Americans by being shallow, selfish pricks.
But then that’s just the 2 cents of a end of stage 3 Positive guy.
Living with HIV for 24 years, and being out for 32 years, comparing the two, it is easier being out gay, than it is being out with HIV. I am a confident man, and slightly show the effects that med’s have caused. Living in a city, Las Vegas, USA, I find that being gay is popular when you’re in public in the presence of straight people, because it’s chic to have gay friends. If you are out with your HIV, everyone is quiet. I don’t know if this is out of respect, or because of fear. People associate HIV with gay sex, and I blame this on the sensationalism created by the media, when AID’s was first discovered in a San Francisco gay man. This is a prime example of what the media does to week minded people, and it happens with many life issues. Think about what would have happened if AID’s was first discovered in a straight male or female. We can only end bigotry, when we become a world that receives good quality education from schools with quality, well-paid educators, rather than from the media. Why do we get upset about this? Because we are educated, and affected, we see those who use issues like this to destruct, insult, or effectively place them selves above others, they are self-serving, and lack intelligence. If you look at it that way, then it wouldn’t be so upsetting. Thanks Dr. George, for your story, it promotes thought.
Why is bit always HIV/AIDS ? Sorry (?well I’m not at all )
Here in Australia we have had it prity good for the last 15 years or so . No where near total exceptsince and you k ow what WE NEVER WILL. Iv been POZ 20 years and had it all . I now have Stage 3 cancer and still face the stigma . But nowi fight it on both sides . My HIV + family have been the worse . Sad hay . But that’s how it works .
It’s time for us to get over the what you call STIGMA and overcome the bullshit that HIV/AIDS organizations give us and get back to the OLD ACTUP APPROCH . Just my thoughts
Sadly HIV/AIDS phobia is not just restricted to ignorant individuals. ApparentlyThe Dental Board of Australia is about to introduce a policy that not allowing HIV positive dentists to practice despite a total lack of evidence that it poses a risk to patients. Dumber than dumb but apparently they are terrified of litigation. No care that they may well be destroying the livelihood (and lives) of dentists affected.
Ur right…we need to call them on their B.S. being aware of where..when…how…guess it has to be an individual judgement call.