Soften The Fck Up | An New Aussie Anti Suicide CampaignThe Healthy Bear

Soften The Fuck Up, A New Anti Suicide Campaign in Australia

By George Forgan-Smith on July 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

Hey there Guys,

I’m pretty excited to see that a new “anti meme” has been launched here in Australia addressing mental health issues in men.

If there is one saying I fucking hate here in Australia it’s “harden the fuck up”. It’s frequently used to tell men that being soft, sharing feelings and emotions are not valid. That feeling sad, unsafe or vulnerable is not welcome, sending many Aussie men into a silent hell, left to deal with mental health issues by themselves.

In Australia:

Suicide is the leading cause of death men and women aged 15 – 34, and for men, it remains the leading cause of death up until age 44.
There were 1,383 deaths from car accident and 2,191 deaths from suicide registered in 2008. Over 4 out of 5 (1,710) of those were males.
Young people tend to not seek professional help, despite the high prevalence of mental health issues and disorders, and young men are most reluctant to seek help.
Research has repeatedly link young men’s reluctance to seek help to the perception of masculinity, and the socialization and social construction of masculinity.

This new ad is a great way to start addressing suicide and mental health issues in young men.

The Soften The Fck Up web site is an awesome step forward to help increase understanding and caring behaviors between men. From the website:

“I know I’ve been struggling for a while. I’ve been able to hide it from everyone but myself but I have a feeling that I can’t hide it much longer. I’m not sure if my mates will understand if I try to talk to them about it.”

Everyone will go through a tough time at one stage in their life. It gets better when you talk about it. Soften The Fck Up.

Have you struggled with difficult feelings?
Sometimes thought that life was not living?
Have you cared for a friend who has contemplated suicide?

I urge you to check out this great new website: http://softenthefckup.com.au/

If you are worried or concerned about your mental health or immediate safety seek help now:

Remember if you unsure about what to do or you feel that the risk of danger is high call an ambulance or police immediately. In Australia the number is 000 (triple zero), USA & Canada: 911, UK: 999, NZ: 111 or you can find your countries number here.

Yours in good health.

Dr George

Can Bone Density Be Affected By HIV Treatments?

A Quick Guide To Safe Enjoyment Of Butt Plugs And Anal Toys

Peter Shapcott says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

I have never felt suicidal and it was not until my partner killed himself in 1996 on the eve of his 21st birthday that it ever impacted on my life. Despite a loving and close relationship he hid his fear of dying of HIV and as I discovered in his letter, he didn’t think life would ever be as good as it was and did not want me or his mother to see him fall ill. His sudden death at such an age made me do some research on suicide rates in the UK and found a very muddy picture. Many suicides were not listed as such by the coroner out of respect to the family and it was hard to get exact figures. I set up a trust in his name with the sole aim of supporting people (mostly men) who feel life is not worth living because of an HIV diagnosis. Whilst I appreciate this Australian campaign is not specifically geared to address coping with HIV I applaud anything that raises the issue of suicide. Sadly, it is still a very taboo subject. 16 years ago the gay press would not take our helpline adverts because we used the word suicide in the ad. Over the last 16 years I have spoken to literally hundreds of guys from all over Europe and there are several common themes that link them and believe it or not in many cases some of those guys just needed a big hug, to be told they were not worthless and that they would be missed if they were not here. Not always as simple as that but 16 years on and despite having been in a long term relationship since his death I miss Eddie every day of my life. Someone will miss you. I urge anyone feeling struggling with these issues to seek some good help, it is out there. And Adrian, thanks for being so honest.

Paul Brown says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

sorry to hear that peter xxx if anything i can do to help or help to campaign for anything get intouch xx

Andi Fraggs says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

I applaud you Peter and think what you have done is great! I know what it’s like to feel suicidal myself, having truly felt that way at times in my life. Having someone like you to talk to will make a huge difference to people in that frame of mind. x

Shaun Leo O'Gorman says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Same here would love to help xxxxx

Mark Monroe Ulrich says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

I will always cherish my time knowing the beautiful Eddie xxxxxxxxxx

Steve Thomas says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Thank You for speaking about this very serious issue. Having two suicides happen to best friends, I am a strong advocate for suicide education and prevention.

Peter Shapcott says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Thank you all for your comments. The post was for an Australian site called thehealthybear.com and the title of the campaign was a reversal of the bullying words common in Australia telling people to harden the fuck up. I usually keep my work to the eddie surman trust page and I wrote it in response to a guy called Adrian who was deeply unhappy. But if it has raised any issues in your own life the freephone helpline for The Eddie Surman Trust is 0800 1696806 (7days a week 11 till 10)

Roger Taylor-Brown says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

One of the most important things in my life is that I had helped in a very tiny way in those early days. Huge hugs and enormous love and respect. Xxx

Aaron Stein says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

commented on The Healthy Bear.
The thoughts leading up to suicide are usually emotional and not rational. One thought that can help counter the impulse to suicide is the realization of how this will impact people whom you love – your parents, siblings, wife, children, and friends. Even if you think your own misery would be over in an instant you know that the misery your death will cause your significant others is going to last decades, probably destroy all happiness and joy for your survivors for the rest of their lives and might even affect younger impressionable relatives who may imitate you in attempting or committing suicide. When Mr. Olympia Larry Scott’s eldest son committed suicide a while later one of his younger sons also did the same.

Ben Roosevelt says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Sadly, I’m with Adrian. Ads and campaigns like these, while made with good intentions, seem like empty promises to those of us still waiting for it to get better. Perhaps promoting more awareness of mental illness and it’s effects, and how to help your friends might be a better option?

George Forgan-Smith says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Ben I think this campaign is aimed at two different people. Firstly to someone who is living with depression as well as suicidal thoughts. For this group of people being in the storm can be very very difficult.
The second aim is to increase awareness of this very fact. I would hope that by increasing awareness it will allow people to feel safe and be open to talking or at the very least asking for help without rejection?

Rob Kielty says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Thanks for sharing, George. A great resource and website.

Adrian Sparkles says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

I actually really struggle with the message of the video (haven’t looked at the website). I’ve struggled with mental illness for most of my life and have found that there are not actually always great times ahead. For me there has been long periods of loneliness, depression, self harm and suicide attempts, moderated somewhat by drugs that have made me lethargic and put on weight. I’m still waiting for my better times, or my it gets better moment. I still contemplate suicide and self harm.

George Forgan-Smith says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

Adrian, the research has indicated that the very intense period of suicidality, that intense feeling of wanting it over, of the fear and emptiness is usually not a long period of time. That is at it’s most intense the key is to keep people safe till this period passes, to help people see beyond that intense acute pain.
Adrian do you have any relief or periods where the pain lulls?

Dimitri Brunswick says:

May 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

True.The pain is actually also an acute physical pain for many people. Breaking down the barriers and stigma surrounding depression is one of the keys for the broader community I believe. Often people are afraid to talk about how they’re feeling
.

Adrian says:

July 12, 2012 at 12:03 am

Hi Lee & George.

I want to first apologise having we read my post I think I was a bit quick off the mark and reacting out of a place of pain and frustration. There have been a number of campaigns in recent years aimed at the destimigtising of mental illness or saying it will get better and in my experience those of us with long-term chronic suicidal feelings and a history of self harm are dismissed or are worst ignored in the media and in these campaigns.

George in answer to your question yes there’re periods where the pain is less however I contemplate suicide on almost a daily basis and have not managed to go more than two months without self harm in the last eight years in fact I’ve been over half my life struggling with the effects of mental illness.

I also feel frustrated that as an older gay man (40 this year) most suicide awareness in the gay community is targeted at the young and though I recognise this is important once again I feel invisible in the work that is being done.

I will finish by saying I do think the campaign is an excellent one and I hope it reaches those it’s targeted at. I also live in hope for improvements in medication and treatment for those of us who will likely live out our entire lives struggling with a mental illness.

Please both of you continue your good work. All the best, Adrian

Lee Crockford says:

July 11, 2012 at 10:08 am

Hi Adrian and Ben,

Thanks for your feedback! As someone who was involved the creating the campaign, I thought I should elaborate.

This particular campaign was created in response to a study that was done in the US as to whether suicide barriers should be installed at the Golden Gate Bridge. The study traced the lives of 515 people who had been restrained from jumping. 34 years on, over 90% were either still alive or had passed from natural causes. Of the 10% over a third took their lives within 6 months of the original attempt. There are similar stories and studies from around the world that also show similar stats.

These studies show that yes, for some people depression and suicidal thoughts are ongoing, even lifelong, battles. For many, though, depression and suicide are the body’s way of reacting their current situation outweighs their coping strategy – a phase that is more often than not, temporary.

We know that what we’ve painted in this campaign is not going to resonate with every single person who has depression. Mental health is a complex beast, and everyone experiences it differently. We wanted to explore one angle through this campaign.

Of course, we love feedback and would appreciate any suggestions you have for future campaigns.

Many thanks

George Forgan-Smith says:

July 11, 2012 at 11:23 am

Hey there Lee, thanks for stopping by. Love your new campaign. Anything that helps increase mental health outcomes in men is awesome!