Hey there Guys. Today I wanted to share a great book I have just discovered, “No More Mr Nice Guy” by Robert Glover.
Recommended by a therapist friend I have to say I am very impressed by this book.
In “No More Mr Nice Guy” Dr Golver, a family therapist, explores the world of unhappy and unsatisfied men who have developed what he calls “nice guy syndrome”. A fixed believe that men need to be validated and loved before they are able to love themselves.
Naturally this point of view, developed in early childhood, does not help with growth, satisfaction and feelings of happiness. To quote Dr Glover:
Nice Guys are guided by the following three “covert contracts”:
- If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
Reading this book has been a great kick in the ass. By ignoring my desires, needs and wants I am going to be floating at the whim of whoever I am currently trying to impress or gain respect from. This needy feeling left me feeling angry and frustrated, wondering “I’ve been good to them, so why aren’t they being the same for me?”
Needless to say this book has been an eye opener. It’s clearly had quite an impact by checking out the many positive Amazon reviews:
Every post-Baby Boomer American man should read this book. This is one of those books that really hits the nail on the head so perfectly that it can almost be painful to read. I have read many self-help books, and the beauty of this book is that it perfectly sums up what I’ve learned in a dozen related self-help books, all in one handy, easy-to-read volume. You can realistically even finish the whole book in one day, yet it has more information than many books that are denser and far more voluminous. If you have ever read books such as Healing the Shame That Binds You, this covers much of the same information but also goes far beyond it, as well as touches on the psychodynamics of modern American men, and also has a lot of novel insights. You will at times feel like the author is talking specifically about you if you’re an American man reading this book.
I do feel at times that while the book is correct to implore men to have stronger boundaries, it does go a little bit easy on the harpies that are in some of these men’s lives. Sure these men have awful boundaries, but that doesn’t justify how some of these women acted. A minor complaint though, and the good far outweighs the bad.
I know it’s cliche to say a book is life changing, but man this new perspective is very liberating. Despite having worked in psychiatry for many years this book has highlighted my own feelings of “needing to please to get what I want”.
While the book uses many heterosexual analogies, this book is very relevant for gay men, perhaps even more important as gay men are often raised with a sense of “not being quite right”.
Anyways I have to say I have been very impressed with this book. It’s an easy read with good quality, actionable information. I recommend you check it out at Amazon here:
Have you read this book? I’d love to hear your thoughts.